Thoughtful Tuesdays: Ask Olivia

Dear Olivia,

I'm currently in a foreign country for schooling, which in itself is pretty difficult. I managed to make a friend and for the past two years we have been very close; almost inseparable. She's always been helpful to me and has been a great friend to me. Lately, I've been having dental problems (I'll get to why that's relevant in a minute) and unfortunately, I don't have dental insurance so I've been suffering for some time now.

The problem occurred on the night of Halloween. I walked to her house to get ready. We didn't have any specific plans but we're excited nonetheless. She suddenly had a change of heart and didn't feel like going out any more. I begged her to come out with me and we eventually decided to walk to the nearby movie theatre to watch Nightcrawler (hated the movie by the way). During the movie (which we both were hating but trying to make it through), my teeth began hurting terribly. I asked her if she wanted to leave but she said, she paid her money for the movie and she was going to watch it. I tried my best to hold out but the pain became unbearable. I told her I needed to leave and asked if she was okay to walk home by herself. Noticeably annoyed, she left with me. I had planned on sleeping over and was ready for bed when the pain kept increasing. Unfortunately I left my pain killers home, so I had to leave to go home.

After this we didn't speak for awhile. She called me last week and 20 mins into the conversation, she confessed about how upset she was about the situation. Apparenly she was so upset, she considered ending our friendship. She didn't, but now I don't know how to feel about the friendship. I already apologised for making her leave the movie, and even though we're talking again, it just feels weird. Should we stay friends or is she untrustworthy if she would end the friendship over this?

-A

Dear A,

Both of you feel wronged. You did the right thing by apologising, even though for you, as your best friend, she should be more understanding. She feels wronged because she already didn't want to go out, you forced her to go out, and after spending money to do something you want to do, you wanted to leave early.

Clearly for her to want to end the friendship, this is not the first time she has felt wronged by you. You are going to have to sit down with her and find out what is it she's feeling exactly. I'll tell you why in a minute.

If the friendship is to end, she has to be the one to do it. From what I understand, you are happy with the friendship, and it's difficult to make new friends. So as long as she is willing to keep the friendship, enjoy her company, bearing in mind there is chance she will end it. If the friendship does survive, don't hold this moment against her. Maybe she's just going through something and it clouded her judgement. This is why it's really important to sit down with her. You need to know where you stand in her life. This will dictate how much energy and attention you should give to the relationship.

In the end, if the two of you are to go your separate ways, remember to wish her well and don't beat yourself up over it. For the time that she has been in your life, she has added something, kept your company. It's normal to mourn the loss of a friend, because that person meant something to you. But try to remember the good memories as well and more.

I hope this helps. Please keep me updated!

xXOliviaXx

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