Ask Olivia: Caretaker Grief

Hi Olivia. I need your opinion on something. My sister was diagnosed with seasonal affective disorder about a year ago after spending only one semester in school abroad. I'm wondering if it's a permanent thing or a one time thing and how do you judge? This troubles me because I am going off to school in Europe soon and my sisters wants to go to school with me. She hasn't been depressed since but I'm still concerned. I'll be finished with school by the time she is able to come. I'm willing to stay until she gets settled in, but I also have a boyfriend who is ready to take our relationship to the next level. What should I do?

-K

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Hi K,

Thank you for your question.

First I don't think seasonal affect disorder is permanent. If it lasts more than six months to a year, then it's typically a sign of something more. I think it could reoccur over time if re-exposed to the stimuli though. I understand that family is important to you at this point, your boyfriend is kind of like family too and you've got to look out for your own future. Have you really thought this through?

What if you are offered an amazing job opportunity to would take you out of Europe or out of that town? Could you really pass it up just to make sure your sister doesn't have another episode? And if you do, how much good do you think that will do for her?

Are you taking care of yourself throughout all of this or is she your main concern? It can be very distressing to see someone you are close to going through depression. While you can support your sibling in some ways, you might also need some support for yourself. Try talking to a trusted friend, relative or counsellor about how you are feeling. You should also remember that you are not responsible for how your sibling is feeling. You want to help her and you definitely should, but make sure that help isn't doing more harm than good for all of the parties involved. I can't tell you what decision to make, just what you should consider when making your decision.

I hope I've helped.

XoX,

Olivia

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