5 Things I Wish People Did & Didn't Say to Me When I was Transitioning
- xxoliviarussellxx
- Jan 30, 2015
- 7 min read
I am by no means, an expert on natural hair, nor am I one to refer to perm as "the creamy crack". My decision to go natural was purely spontaneous and whimsical. One day while getting ready for work, I was at my 6th week of my perm and my hair was FULL! The thickness and volume were great and I loved it. I liked having straight hair (mainly because ponytails were my go-to style for lazy days) and I loved that time when you're in need of a perm and your hair just had that volume. I didn't like the 2-3 week period where my hair was dull and lifeless; basically just layed flat like someone slicked it down with glue on my head. So I thought, that if I went natural, that's what my hair would look like.
Let me just add that my mother in the beginning was not my biggest supporter. In fact, there were times we actually fought because of her disapproval. She said a lot of things that really hurt my feelings, but now that I have fully transitioned, I can understand that there truly were days when my hair just looked a hot mess. I did my Big Chop on July 20, 2014 and it turned out not to be so big.
(This was taken in August, just one month after my Big Chop)
I still miss my long flowing hair (totally not delusional when I say this) but I've learned to embrace this new journey. I have far less split ends and I'm getting a lot of love for my hair now. But it wasn't always easy. So if you're transitioning and need some guidance or motivation, I've compiled this little list of the 5 Things I Wish People Did & Didn't Say to Me When I was Transitioning.
1. Your hair will become an afro.
I was delusional thinking that I didn't need to cut my hair to go natural because it would stay in that same state, just grow thicker. When I looked at pictures of myself as a kid with natural hair, I had long thick hair that went down my back, not an afro. So I thought that was my hair type. Much to my surprise as my ends began to fall off and out, my hair was slowly becoming an afro. It was almost a traumatizing experience because I didn't expect it. I know, how stupid could I be. The truth is, you probably won't know what your hair type will be until you've fully transitioned. I'll explain later.
2. You don't have to cut your hair to go natural but prepare for some bad hair days.
There are ways to go natural without the big chop. When I went natural, I was adamant about delaying my cut. I knew that my ends would eventually fall off. By the time I got to my Big Chop however, most of my permed ends fell off but some were travelling up to the root and causing my hair to fall out. This wil make you feel like you're losing all of your hair. I felt that the only way to stop the hair loss was to finally do the big chop. So one year after my last perm (almost exactly to the date) I cut it. I was left with four inches of hair and while I definitely felt weird, I was glad that I waited before cutting. I never had to deal with the insecurity of having a bald head or looking like a boy (Remember I was coming from having hair almost down to the middle of my back. The insecurities were real, and that's okay). There were days when I was tempted to perm my hair. I felt like I had tried every style I saw on Pinterest, and could only rock the banana clip for so long. Some days I just had to accept that my hair looked a hot mess and the only thing that could save it was a pompadour and some bobby pins.
3. Hair Type, Smear Type.
I recall walking into a beauty supply store and asking the worker for a good moisturiser for my hair type. She looked at me and went, "Oh that's easy, you're a......" And that was it. She hit me with the most puzzled look ever. She walked around me closely examining my hair, scratching her own head and finally finished her statement with, "What is your hair type?" The problem was I had multiple hair types before I fully transitioned, because I didn't Big Chop. No one knew what to classify me as. So if you're delaying your Big Chop, before you stock up on products to treat your hair type, bear in mind that, that may not be your final hair type when you're done.
4. There's a reason it's called protective styling.
Pompadours saved me many days. When you're transitioning, your hair is weaker and much more susceptible to the weather. My hair was thirstier than a single man on Amber Rose's instagram page. I was so lazy in my transitioning process. I tried greenhousing only once, but I'd definitely recommend doing that more often. Moisture is key. I'd suggest moisturising the hell out of your hair then braid it or whatever protective style you choose. Conditioning sprays are also awesome for maintaining the moisture in these styles.
5. "I like what you did with your hair!"
Is that really so hard to say? Many days I felt beyond insecure about my hair and would've loved a compliment. This is an incredibly stressful time for the person transitioning, so any little encouragement is appreciated. And if you're gonna lie, at least try to make it sound genuine. No one wants pity. Not when they're trying to discover their inner beauty. It may seem shallow, but think about the cancer patient that just shaved her head. Don't you think she would like a compliment on well, anything! Women need compliments (whether they like to admit it or not) especially on low self-esteem days. We're trying. We'd like if you could at least acknowledge that instead of saying these things:
1. You won't get a boyfriend/girlfriend looking like that!"
Picture it. It was the week before Easter, 2014. One of the teachers in the school I work at, took one look at my transitioning hair, and said, "You need to slap some perm in your hair because you won't get a boyfriend looking like that!" A small part of me wanted to slap her. I could tell that she was joking when she said it, but I was still hurt that a fellow black woman, could tell me something like that, when she went the entire school year wearing the same weave. Never once showing her real, natural hair (which was still permed and bleached blonde to match the weave). Oddly enough, I got more guys hitting on me and went on more dates in my life since I went natural. So who's winning?
2. Did you get a haircut?
There's a word I need people to add to their dictionaries. It's called shrinkage. It happens to everyone and is by no means a true reflection of your hair length. A friend of mine recently shared a photo that made me laugh. The caption read, "Don't let the shrinkage fool you boo." I've had to answer this question a few times and simply shrugged the person off with, "No I did not cut my hair, it's called shrinkage."
3. "You look like Halloween".
EXCUSE ME?! Let me tell you. On that day, it took ever little bit of Jesus in me to not get physical with the woman who said that, not even to me, but behind my back and proceeded to cackle with the store clerk. My then boyfriend had to physically restrain me. Let me back up.
I am not one to advocate for violence, it's bad, doesn't solve anything, yada, yada, yada. But there are times when you just have to get hood for someone to let them know, you don't play those kinds of games. I was minding my own business, shopping in a fabric store (haven't bought fabric from them since this incident) when the store clerk and a customer pointed and laughed at me saying, that I looked like Halloween. I never knew that people could be so ignorant and petty until a) I started working and b) I went natural. Certain things should never be said. By the way, my hair was dyed purple at the time and was rowed in the back with an afro puff at the top. Like so:
4. I prefer you with....
Stop. Just stop. I don't care about your european ideals of what my hair should look like. I've had people say I need to perm my hair or I should put weave in my hair, including my supervisor at work who doesn't even wear weave and her hair can only barely do a ponytail (that wasn't mean was it). The truth of the matter is, my hair is my hair, and at the end of the day, I have to be happy with how it looks. Opinions are just that, opinions. I've told people that unless they're paying for me to have my hair done, they really don't get to have a say.
5. When are you going to fix your hair?
Oh my gosh. Mum, I'm talking to you on this one. The beautiful thing about going natural was that I once went three days without touching my hair. No comb, no brush, no kind of styling whatsoever. At the most, I think all I did was moisturise it. That's the great thing about having natural hair. Not fixing your hair, is fixing your hair! I'm not saying to run out with this notion and go out looking like Blue Ivy. The struggle is not that real. There is still a right and wrong way to pull off the effortless natural look. Hairbands, bobby pins and scarves are perfect for lazy days.
This is what my hair looks like now (I'm styled for a 70s theme costume day at work) and I am more confident about my hair than ever! Don't give up. The trials and tribulations you go through will only make you stronger and help you to appreciate what you're fighting for (natural hair) even more! Share your experience below and don't forget to SUBSCRIBE!
XoX,
Olivia
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